We All Love A Good Asshole, But Would You Actually Bring One Home To Meet You're Parents?

This is a question I've asked a few females I know and the majority answer was no, they wouldn't bring an asshole home to meet their parents. Ladies, it's safe to say we've all fallen for that not so nice doucebag who even treats you like shit every so often. If you read that like "nahh not me" then you're probably lying, but it's okay ..I don't blame you. It probably wasn't you're brightest moment. Trust me, I can relate. Anywho, though its safe to say there was an initial reason why you fell for said asshole and chances are it wasn't because he was an asshole. But that's another post for another time when I'm not running on zero hours of sleep.

So yea ...the asshole. That brutally honest, yet gets on your nerves with his/her arrogance of always having to be right or that dickhead who just like to hear the sound of his.her own voice. We all know one (or five) and have you ever wondered: How the hell to they keep a girl/guy? Like do they treat the person their dealing with differently than the general population (majority of the time no)? Does the person their dealing with only put up with them for a small list of reasons (good sex, brutal honesty, empty promises, etc.)? I honestly couldn't tell you, hell to this day I still don't know why I dealt with the assholes I did. But yea, then all of a sudden, shit starts to get serious ..this person had now become your boyfriend/girlfriend and you plan on seeing where things can go. You've already introduced them to your friends and they pretty much cant stand your new boo, so what would happen if you were to introduce them to your parents?

Meeting parents is a screening process in itself, even if you don't realize it. First your mate goes through your friends. If they like him/her, they're a keeper majority of the time. If your friends hate them, they could still possibly be kept around if you don't really cherish what your friends saty or if you feel that deep for a person. The next group of screeners are usually siblings or other relitives like cousins close in age. Same thing usually applies in this process as with the friends however, you'll probably cherish your family's opinion more and make the decision to introduce your boo to your parents or not.

Honestly though, before it even gets to all of that I think you can figure out what kind of guy/girl you'd want to let meet your parents. Personally I don't think it'll be that asshole you met at a party and ended up with at the end of the night and just so happened to hit it off while you were both sober. I mean we all love a good asshole for so many different reasons, but lets be serious ..I'd NEVER bring one home to meet my parents.

Excepting The Things You Cannot Change .

"Lord, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."

Accepting things we cannot change is an age old challenge for human beings. We seem to think that even though it's been proven century after century, that we may be that one individual to be able to change something we have no control over. It happens, we've all been there at least once. However, how many of us have accepted that one thing (or things) we cannot change? How many of us have accepted that someone we held dear is no longer living, or accepted their skin color (you'd be surprised), or even (for the ladies) accepted the fact that we just couldn't change that one guy even though we swore up, down and all over the world we could? Like I said, we've all been there ..it happens to the best of us. But, have you really accepted that? Moreover, are you ready to accept it?

I'll admit, there are some things in my life now that I'm just not ready to accept, but I know that I need to in order to move on and to learn from. But, when exactly is it time to accept certain realities? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? I can't answer that for you ..it all varies from person to person. I know me personally it varies from situation to situation. For example, I've finally come to terms with one situation about 18 hours ago that I've been trying to accept for almost two years now and was able to accept another circumstance about a week ago that I was having problems with for three months now. It all depends.

Accepting the things you cannot change should be done at you're own pace in order to ensure that you have fully come to terms with whatever (or whoever) it is you cannot change, and move on while learning something from the situation.



Sidenote: my 30 challenge of going makeup free is going pretty smooth, even though I almost put some on the other day. It's actually harder than I thought, especially since I've been wearing my glasses more but I'm pushing through it.

Challenges .

Happy New Years all ! For those who follow me on Twitter (@KynKouture) I did say I was done blogging since I just don't have the time I want to put 100% into my blog, but then I realized that that's unfair to the people who read my blog and to myself because I'm pretty much giving up on myself and my ability to be able to maintain my blog as well as I know I can. So I've decided to not do that and to MAKE time to blog, maybe not daily or weekly but aleast enough to satisfy myself.

Now, this blog post is entitled "Challenges". We all face challenges in our everyday lives and whatnot but how many of us challenge ourselves? Over the next couple of weeks I've decided to challenge myself in different ways (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc). And the first challenge I've decided on was to go completely makeup free for 30 days. So from now until January 31 I will not wear any makeup at all. I won't even wear lip gloss (vasline and blistex will suffice). This isn't a very hard challenge for me but I wanted to start off simple and as the weeks/months go on to make them a little more challenging (like not wearing pants for a week or months ..stuff like that).

And since this isn't a very challenging challenge, I may do weekly challenges during the next 30 days as well. So I encourage you all to follow me on these challenges I give myself. And if you have any you want me to do, leave me a comment on this post, hit me up on twitter (@KynKouture) or my tumblr (UnspoKyn.tumblr.com) and let me know what you'd want to see me challenge myself to do for 7-30 days.

Also, I'd like to encourage you all to challenge yourself to something challenging. It builds character and gives you a better understanding or yourself, not to mention pushes you past the limits you may give yourself.

See you soon,
Kyn .

J. Cole - Friday Night Lights .

J. Cole just dropped his newest mixtape entitled Friday Night Lights . Enjoy .

Click Here For Download

Quotes Of The Day .

"I'll take character over reputation ...your character is what you really are, while your reputationmis merely what others think you are" -Aubrey "Drake" Graham

I saw this Drake quote a couple months back but it didn't mean that much to me as it does now. Its so true though and I'd take character over reputation any day as well.

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon" -Kanye West

This quote pretty much says it all itself: Don't give me a lower limit when I know for a fact there's a higher one.

Black Girls Reallay Do Rock .

Last night I watched the Black Girls Rock Awards show on BET and I've never been so proud to be a Black young woman. The award show honored successful Black women from Ruby Dee to Raven Symone. Other honoraries included Missy Elliot, Teresa Clarke, KeKe Palmer, Dr. Iyanla Vanzant, and General Marcelite Harris. And as I watched this I realized that Black Girls and women really do rock.

Black females face so many prejudices and stereotypes a day its not funny. They say its hard being Black in America, well try being a Black FEMALE in America ..it's twice as hard. We're a double minority. The amounts of burdens that we bear alone are enough to make any other person fall into a deep state of depression. Between the negative stereotypes and images we're given through mainstream media and the lack of support from our male counter parts, one should be able to understand why we come off most of the time as "angry women". We're not angry, just upset. Upset that there aren't many positive Black female figures we can look up to, upset that mainstream media sees us as either a sex symbol or an angry woman from the ghetto, upset that our Black men have yet to come and help uplift us so that we may do the same in return. I mean, don't get me wrong things are changing for the better, but at a very slow rate and it saddens me because for everyday there is a 50% effort made, only 50% of Black girls are being told their beautiful and that they can follow their dreams.

Looking back now, I'm grateful to have had so many strong Black female role models in my life. Between my great grandmother, my grandmother, mother, aunts and older cousins, as well as teachers and other mentors. I think without them I wouldn't be as proud and as stubborn as I am today. They all taught me that I need to be a strong person because "in this world, can't nobody be strong for a black woman except another strong black woman" (My Aunt Eva). And it's the truth. It takes a lot of strength to have the world on your shoulders and burdens in both hands but still having the ability to smile as if your life is perfect. I just hope my generation of Black women get it together and come together so that we can help guild the misguided young women after us.

Realizations .

This weekend I found out a lot about myself and things that I want/need in life. And I think the two things I really need right now are stability and consistency. I need stability because for some reason I've lacked that for the past 4 years or so now. I've had unstable friends, jobs, relationships, even high schools. The only thing I've really ever been consistent with was being inconsistent, and I think that's why my life has been so unstable. So I figured I'd find something stable in my life and keep it consistent ..too bad I couldn't think of anything at first. Then I really thought about it and realized that I have a pretty stable job now as well as a few other things coming up in my life that is giving me the stability I've longed for as well as the consistency that I need to keep the stability there. Unlike my past jobs, which were in retail, my schedule and hours don't change on a weekly basis and I don't see a new face every time I come in to work. I guess it's little things like this that I didn't realized I needed in my life to keep me balanced. Hopefully this stability and consistency spreads in other aspects of my life as well.

Quote/Photo of The Day .

I was browsing around Tumblr and came across this. Of course I reblogged it there but I wanted to share this with those who may not have a Tumblr. Enjoy.

Quote of The Day .

‎'Smh, these fools out here get comfortable..they don't want
relationships but want relations, tuh! but just like a doctor you need a title
to perform.' -Tina

This is honestly where I got the inspiration to write my previous post (I was with her when she said this lol). But yea, it pretty much explains itself ..

Oh and follow her on twitter @TinagotCAKE

Ultimatums .

Ultimatum (ul·ti·ma·tum): a final proposition, condition, or demand; especially : one whose rejection will end negotiations and cause a resort to force or other direct action.

I swear this past weekend, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that word I'd have all the money I spent in the the past three days and then some. I guess for a few of my friends and people they know it's hitting that one year mark for them and their (not so) siginificant other. I put the "not so" in parenthesis because I meant that them and their partner are not labeled boyfriend/girlfriend. Now, the first situstion I heard about was from a guy friend of mine. He was pretty much talking about how hes been talking to this girl for about a year now and she just refuses to be his girlfriend, and he doesn't know why. On a few occasions I've vouched for the dude and he's genuinely a nice guy, but she's just not trying to have it ..until he gave her an ultimatum: be my girlfriend or its over. Surpisingly, it worked. However, one of my other friends tried doing that with a guy she was talking to for a while now and he left her and now she's alone and upset.

My question is this though, would you ever give someone an ultimatum? Me personally, I don't know yet, I've never been pushed to do so. I feel like, if something is meant to be then it will be and if not, oh well it was good while it lasted. Not only that but I think ultimatums are a sticky situation in themselves and get even more complicated when people's emotions and feelings are involved. I mean trying to understand another human being is hard enough without giving them two solid, black and white options that will hurt someone either way at the end of the day (that person may not like the ultimatum given and walk away or they'll accept it only because they may not want to loose you but be upset with the decision they made).

Not only that, I think that's very selfish of a person to ever give another person an ultimatum in a relationship. I mean how would you feel if someone said "okay either you be my girlfriend/girlfriend or it's over" ? I think personally I'd walk away just for the simple fact that that person has no respect for my reasons (if any) to not want to be in a relationship with that person. However, I can also see it from another point of veiw: what if that person needsd a push? Some people are indecisive when it comes to things like that an may need that threat to come to terms with what they truly want. I don't know, these are all just a few thoughts of mine nothing heavy. But I mean, I'd personally never wan to be given an ultimatum as far as my love life is concerned and I hope that I'd never be pushed that far to ever make one.

Tumblr .

Yes, I've finally joined the newest social networking fad ..Tumblr. I know its been around for a while now but its becoming a little more popular these days. So yea, follow me if you dare.

Oh, and for more frequent rants, raves, random thoughts by me follow me on twitter.

I Betcha Think This Song Is About You, Don't You??

So, every morning for some reason I wake up with a new, random song playng in my head. This morning it was Son Of A Gun by Janet Jackson. And it reminded me of a post I was suppose to do like a week ago that I forgot about. Anyways, for those who never heard the song or don't remember it, the chorus is pretty much "I betcha think this song is about you, don't you, don't you, don't you". And it automaticly made me think about subliminal messages sent via social networks. You know what I'm talking about. We've all done it, even if not on purpose we've all made that facebook status, bbm status, tweet, tumblr post, etc. with a specific person in mind. Now, I'm not condoning it be done or anything, but sometimes it can be fun, until people start thinking everything you post is a subliminal. And a lot of times (especially on twitter) general statements are often mistaken for subliminals. I mean this could be true, this could be false only you know. And, for the most part when people assume something is about them they either A.) get mad excited or B.) get mad excited. You'll have that one person all shits n giggles cuz they have a subliminal message about them for the public to see or they get upset and start going off like a crazy hoodrat.
Now, I say all that to say this ..be careful what you assume is about you or not. If you have to think for more than 15 seconds if that facebook post, tweet, etc. is about you, chances are it's not. Or if you're reading what's probably a general statement and after 2 seconds of reading it jump to conclusions, chances are its not about you ..you probably have a guilty conscience. I mean, theres really only one way to ever know and thats to ask. But then again, do you really want to know??

Come Again ??

For thoses who may not know, I'm a Boston native. And ever since I been out here in New York I've noticed a lot of things, especially when it has to do with opposite sexes interacting. Out here it seems like there is a strong love to hate relationship. To (most) girls "niggas aint shit", and to (most) guys "all girls are trifilin hoes (or any other word you can think of synonymous to that)". I mean between the girls complaining about there aren't any good men left and the guys complaining that there damn sure no good females around. I just want to know one thing, what exactly makes a girl/guy a "good" woman/man? Where I'm from the criteria one must meet are pretty small and reasonable. For the most part is we all know our worth and persue those we know meet are standards. But out here, man out here I feel like the standards are set higher for no reason and I feel like the people who ask the most out of a girl/guy don't even deserve it. I remember a couple weeks ago, I decided to listen to a convo a few guys I know were having and I was shocked at the things they demanded from a female. Some of the things were expected then after a while these niggas started talking some next shit. A lot of the standards that they set for girls seemed damn near irrational and unreasonable. Not only that, majority of these guys are know womanizers so that threw me off even more. Like how do you have such high standards but treat a lot of females like dirt?

I feel like because a lot of guys think with such high standards, they push females to lie (hence the term "females are trifilin liars"). You wanna know the real reason why women lie?? BECAUSE MEN CANNOT HANDLE THE TRUTH! I don't care who the hell you are, or sitting here reading this saying "no fuck that I can handle the truth", NO YOU CAN'T. Men cannot handle the truth, especially if it involves a female they like telling them something they may not wanna hear. An example of that is one of my close girl friends liked this guy but during a convo he brought up the question of her virginity and stated, and I quote "I hope your a virgin cuz if not, we cant talk no more" .....nigga WHAT ?! And because my friend liked him so much, she seriously contemplated on lying and saying she was. I know there are still virgins in this world but I just thought that was out of line because this guy wasn't a virgin himself. Its things like that that can lead a female to lie about a lot of unessecary things because I feel like we are set on such a high pedestal that anything less than purity is wrong. And given the century we're living in and all the media influences around us, I think the bar should be adjusted accordingly.

Now I'm not justifying the many hoes out there who are just down right crazy n shit, I'm just saying to seriously think about what you want then adjust those standards to meet what you think you're worth, especially if you've done some shit in your life (you can't buy a Porche when you only have enough for a Honda). Not only that, try to refrain from that he said, she said bullshit. Because that's what it is, pure bullshit. NEVER let someone else's opinion be the deciding factor on whether or not you're going to talk to a guy/girl. Yes, friends opinions and approvals are needed, but don't let them dictate YOUR life because at the end of the day its a decision only YOU can live with.

Sooo, Does That Work For You Brother? Pt II

** Hello darlings (over exaggerated fancy British woman voice), I will be back to posting regularly starting Monday September 27th. I've been doing a lot of running around between school, work, and the many organizations I'm apart of on campus. So yeah, I'll be back on my shit come Monday =) **

So about a month ago I posted a post titled "Sooo, Does That Work For You Brother" and it basically touched on some of the most random and wrong ways to start a convo with a female in hopes to get her number. I only touched on things that have happened to me and a few of my girl friends and today I'm here to talk about another terrible method of trying to get a female's time of day: Typing a text message on your phone then slipping it to the girl. Now, before I begin I'd just like to say I never heard nor have I witnessed this happen until I came back out to New York (the cockiness of the NY natives, how I did miss it). This not only happened to two of my homegirls but it just recently happened to me.

So this past Wednesday I'm on the R on my way home and I notice this guy staring at me (for entertainment purposes lets call him Joe R. Lurkington). I notice Joe across the train staring at me, I say to myself "he's nowhere my type so let me just not make eye contact with him so he doesn't assume I'm interested". That didn't seem to work because as the train got more and more less crowded, he starts pacing in front of me. So while Mr. Lurkington is pacing past me repeatedly doing random pull ups on the bars and scratching his stomach giving him a reason to flash his stomach in eye shot of me, I can't stop thinking about how much of a douche this dude is. I get off to transfer to the F and who but Joey is getting off at the same stop. Great. So I noticed and walked to the other end of the platform. Train comes and somehow Joe Lurkington comes lurking onto the cart I'm on. He proceeds to stand next to me, pull out a Nextel i730 and types. Next thing I know he slips the phone in front of me and the message read "yo u real sexy nd i jus wanted to tell u that id do u on this train right now". Really though Joey? All that though?? Come on son! Now, not only was I offended by the message that he wrote, I was already beyond pissed he followed me onto the train I was getting on (I know he did it on purpose because he got off at the next available stop to get on a train going back from the way we just came from) and because he was doing all these other douchebag things in hopes of impressing me. Oh, and it gets better. After I kindly decline his offer, he proceeds to flash me a picture of his penis that was conveniently placed as his screen saver on his phone and says "you don't know what you're missing". Really though? At that point I just loudly say "even the ugliest chick wouldn't want that from you".

Now, of course all of these random and outlandish scenarios seem to happen to me but I have heard stories of situations close to and a little less extreme. But in any event, should you NEVER do this to a female!! I mean clearly, some dumb girl must of given in to this fuckery but still, NO! Just grow some balls and walk up to a female and try to talk to her, if she doesn't wanna talk LEAVE HER ALONE! Just take the loss and keep it moving. Remember, it's never that serious.